In previous posts, I have mentioned that I’m part of the Woman to Woman Mentoring program at church and that Patti is my mentor. We are doing the study Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
When Patti first asked me about doing this study, I wasn’t really feeling it because it has chapters that deal with marriage and children and things that basically aren’t relevant to me. Little did I know, God had something in store for me.
This past week’s study has been on ‘Honoring God in My Marriage.’ I seriously highly recommend it to all my girlfriends – married or not. It’s just awesome. In fact, I think it’s great that I’m going through this study before even dating someone. Just the truths that God is revealing to me and teaching me will not only prepare me to get married if He wills it, but prepare me for dating as well.
As God would have it, the first day that I started the section on marriage this week, a friend of mine replies to an email I sent her in regards to Harris Teeter Triple Coupons week and says ‘hey, if you’re ever on Facebook’ (like I’m never on Facebook), you should look up this guy and see if his profile is private or not. I think of you just about every time I talk to him.’ Random.
I thought ‘why don’t I humor myself.’ See, I normally don’t let people (whether it be my mom, my BFF, a co-worker, someone at church) ‘set me up’ because I’m not comfortable going out with someone I don’t know. I have one primary rule when it comes to dating. If they’re not a Christian, I won’t even consider it. I feel like letting someone set me up puts an important part of my life in their hands and opens me up to possibly falling for someone who’s not a Christian. And, in Christian, I mean someone who believes the truth that we are sinners, believes that Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead to pay the penalty for our sins, and that no other way than trusting in Jesus and Jesus alone will get them into Heaven. Secondary rule is that not only do they have to be a Christian, but they have to be producing fruit and growing in their walk.
So, I log on to Facebook to ‘humor myself’ and low and behold, this guy’s profile is not private and he appears to be an active Christian. Now, I go into analyzing mode. It’s not is he cute (well, maybe a little), what’s his job or how’s he dressed. It is: does he take the Bible literally and believe the real gospel, would he be God’s will for me and not my will, is he bearing fruit, does he appear to be embracing his role as a godly man, is allowing my friend to ‘set me up’ constitute my initiating and does it mean I’m not trusting in God’s perfect timing? (For instance, I won’t do online dating because I feel that I’m not trusting that his timing is in fact, perfect and that by actively seeking a husband means I’m controlling my life and not Him.)
Well, my friend was given the green light to pass along my info and the second round of questions came: what if he just calls me up and doesn’t try to find out about me? Does that mean he’ll compromise on who he goes out with? I don’t want to go out with someone who will compromise. What if his profile is just an act? What if he believes a false gospel? What if, what if, what if….
I stressed myself out about this and I had not even met the person, right? Maybe I was a little ahead of myself in some opinions, but it was such a praise to see how God has worked in my life over the past year, actually over the past few months. A year ago, this would not have been a case. It was a praise to see that while being attracted to someone is good and going out on a date is fun (oh, it’s just one little date – don’t we like to tell ourselves that girls?); seeking God’s best has become my number one priority. I’m truly learning to lay it all down at the foot of the cross and to let Him run the show. And, it’s all His doing. Only the Holy Spirit working in my life has made me this way. It’s nothing of my own doing and I think I was more excited about that, then the prospect of some guy actually calling me.
It only took a few days and then it came – the lies. There are lies that come into my head - lies that come from the enemy about how I should perceive this situation since I haven’t heard a peep from this guy.
Lies that I believe about myself: My profile’s not that bad is it? I know I’m not photogenic, but what’s wrong with me. Maybe I am that bad. Maybe I should get my nose done since it has that bump in it from breaking it playing softball. I hate my two chins that appear when I smile. Maybe I’m too goofy. Why won’t anyone like me? Am I worthless?
Lies that I believe about God: God doesn’t really love me. If He did, I would be married with kids by now. He’s too restrictive. There’s nothing wrong with me initiating a little convo is there? Is not that bad of is it? I have a lot of baggage. Maybe God hates my sin so much that He doesn’t want me to experience happiness.
Lies that I believe about guys: Can’t I be happy for once? A boyfriend will make me happy. Can’t I date someone and get married and be happy? Maybe I should send him an e-mail. If I don’t take initiative, nothing will happen. Most of them are shy anyway. They’re okay with girls being bold and making it easy on them.
These lies are things that we don’t like to say out loud, but things that all of us girls feel to be true at some point. These are things that the enemy is throwing at me right now to try to pull me into deception and ultimately destroy me.
But, God reigns. And, this study that I’m doing has been such a blessing and has been in perfect timing. It has taught me to recognize these feelings and emotions that spring up and take them for what they are – lies. And, I will not entertain them. I choose truth. I choose scripture. I choose to surrender my own rights and my own will to bring glory to Him.
TRUTH: God always has my best interest at heart. (Psalm 21)
TRUTH: God’s restrictions are always for my good. (James 1:19-27)
TRUTH: My value is not determined by what others think of me or what I think of myself. My value is determined by how God views me. (Psalm 139:1-18; Ephesians 1:3-8; 1 Peter 2:4)
TRUTH: I will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven. (Romans 8:23, 25; Ephesians 3:11; Hebrews 11:13-16)
TRUTH: If I will accept them, unfulfilled longings will increase my longing for God and for heaven. (Deuteronomy 8:3; Psalm 34:8-10; Philippians 3:20-4:1)
TRUTH: There is no person who can meet my deepest needs. No one and nothing can make me truly happy, apart from God. (Psalm 62:5; 118:8-9; Jeremiah 17:5-7)
TRUTH: God has promised to provide everything I need. If He will receive more glory by me being married, then He will provide a husband for me. (1 Chronicles 29:11-12; Job 42:1-2; Proverbs 16:9; 1 Corinthians 7:25-38)
TRUTH: Those who wait on the Lord always get His best. Those who insist on getting what they want often end up with heartache. (Psalm 37:4; 106:15; Jeremiah 17:5-8)
TRUTH: God created the man to be an initiator and the woman to be a responder. (Genesis 3:6)
TRUTH: If a woman takes the reins rather than waiting on God to move her husband, her husband is likely to be less motivated to fulfill his God-given responsibility. (Genesis 16:1-2; Psalm 27:14)
God is sovereign and He has a plan for me. He will provide His best for me as long as I surrender to Him and allow Him to change me into the most Christ-like woman that I can be. It is not going to be easy and I’m sure there will be rough days. The lies are going to come and they are going to come hard. But, “He gives a greater grace” and those lies will be replaced with Truth.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5
Note: The Truths list was adapted from Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.