Monday, November 9, 2009

It Feels Like I'm Breathing

I've spent the last couple of weeks reflecting on this complacency that I've seemed to fallen into. I realized that this is the first summer in four years that I haven't been on a mission trip and I just seemed to let the lack of a trip and the lack of that yearly spiritual high that I've come to depend on serve as an excuse to become complacent with my walk and my purpose in this world. Satan has been winning over the past few months. He's gotten me to live the "Christian life" without alone time and intimacy with Jesus. And, that's caused me to become defeated and ineffective. (what do you know - Casting Crowns' Slow Fade is playing on the mix as I type this)

Over the past few weeks, the complacency has started to break. Christ holds true to His promise to draw us near to Him. As Third Day says, it feels like I'm born again. Not in a 'born again' saved kinda way, cause I've got my salvation. It's a one time thing. But, it's that continous process of sanctification and renewing of my mind that is making me feel like I'm born again. It feels like I'm living. It feels like I'm breathing. It feels like I'm moving.

A month or so ago, God answered a specific prayer showing just how powerful He is. That prayer didn't effect me personally and probably wasn't that big of a deal in the end, but He had placed it on my heart. It was the one thing I had still going with Him really. Satan, the World and my day to day 'priorities' were slowly sucking up the rest. God used that experience to draw me back to Him. I was making Him small and he needed to show me just how great He is, how much He loves us and how the small things matter. It's so easy to run off a spiritual high until you get your next one. Those highs are good. Answered prayers are good. But, I'm learning that it is also in the everyday mundane life activities where great faith is showed and He is glorified.

It's the waiting, the daily obedience, the persistent praying, and the rejoicing in small blessings when you're not sure you're in the perfect job for you, when you start going to more baby showers than wedding showers, when you feel like you can't get everything on your 'to-do' list done, when everyone else seems way ahead, when your emotions seem to get the best of you, when your circumstances just don't seem to suit you, when life just doesn't seem fair. It's the humbling yourself to allow Him to take over and provide you grace to get throughout the day. It's learning to find joy and contentment in Christ and Christ alone no matter what He has in store for you in life. It's knowing that He is forever faithful and that He will use YOU, AN UNWORTHY SINNER to bring glory to Himself. It's all of these things that grows your faith into one that can move a mountain.

He's showing me that a great faith can't be built without time with Him. He's put that desire to spend time with Him in me and is waking me up each morning. We're going on two weeks now of consistent daily time together. 30 minutes each morning is changing my life. It's been two of the best weeks of my life. I haven't been in a foreign country working with orphans or roofing a house in South Carolina. Great evangelical things aren't happening all around me. I've been right here in Raleigh. In my everyday. In my 'complacent' life, He's teaching me that it's His life for me and it glorifies Him no matter how 'complacent' it seems to me. He's teaching me what it means to be fully satisfied in Him. It feels great. It feels like I'm breathing again...


Cyndi said...

Thank you Ashely. Beautiful words, beautifully written.

Ashely said...

Thanks Miss Cyndi for your words of encouragement! I miss seeing your smiling face everyday. I hope you're doing well!